“Eros is as innocent as breath.”
- CAFFYN JESSE, SEX EDUCATOR
Like most practitioners my work is shaped and inspired by life experiences, and by a deep calling to connect in nourishing ways that are possible but not culturally common.
My greatest gift is my connection to the innate healing of pleasure. As a child, play and joy were as natural to me as air. I imagine for most kids this is the case unless there’s a high level of trauma and oppression early on. I felt a deep connection to the Cosmic Eros and the inherent sensuality of life. I didn't have a name for it then. I was just experiencing life through my senses, through my body, and when we do that, pleasure is a natural occurrence.
As I got older, that natural connection got disturbed by witnessing and experiencing violence of different sorts, including sexual, physical and emotional. It got disturbed by receiving messages like my VALUE as a human BEING is not INNATE but instead has to be EARNED. Pleasure and play became rewards instead of natural states. It got further warped by culturally and often confusing messages around sexuality based on looks, religion, sexism and ownership.
Sexuality and my relationship to my body became outsourced instead of internal. My body and natural sensuality didn't feel like my own anymore but a commercial and consumer aspect of the culture at large.
Anxiety and depression followed as they normally do when we dissociate from the body. I felt confused and disconnected from my internal compass. I may have experienced pleasure in some forms usually more hollow, but the nourishing, life giving and natural pleasure of existing and EXPERIENCING life felt far away.
In time the depression and anxiety got worse and I became fascinated by psychology in college. I started on a healing journey that involved therapy that was tremendously helpful but only got so far. There was a missing piece I had forgotten about. In one of my lowest points when I was in incredible physical pain, I started seeing a massage therapist.
After one session I felt more in my body than I had in years. I continued seeing her and went to massage school. I remembered the missing piece...it was my body.
I started becoming highly interested in somatics and its relationship to trauma. I learned different types of massage modalities and energy. I saw a mindfulness somatic therapist for one year: at the end of which I embarked on a 2-year journey through Europe and the jungles of Costa Rica and Hawaii.
It was while walking barefoot in the humid jungles, that I started feeling pleasure and aliveness in my body again. After so much work with my body, I was more open, more free...the inner child connection to innate pleasure awakened again, and my body started feeling like my own again. I felt more solid, more safe in my own being. It was the budding of a more empowered and embodied self, after the work I had put in the soil of my being before the travels.
I realized that the connection to my body was absolutely key to feeling better mentally emotionally and psychically. Yoga, dancing and meditation became regular practices as well as regular bodywork and singing.The relationship with my body was getting stronger and I was committed to creating a sanctuary and a strong compass to my body and its well being.
Through this journey two major realizations occurred.
The first epiphany came in a wild woman training while I was living in Hawaii. The women who held has lots of experience and I don’t know that I truly knew what I was signing up for. It ended up cracking me open and my vulnerability started pouring through the cracks in the walls I had subconsciously built. It all culminated in a volcanic eruption that I felt in awe and terror of. The medicine of the island is something that I still carry inside with humbleness and deep deep love.
The second realization was in my tantra massage training in Denmark. I had one of the most profound experiences of my entire life through JUST EYE GAZING. A dam of emotions spilled from my heart and I felt so much grief and armor around my heart center. Being truly seen by another was terrifying to me. I realized the immense potential of working with sexual energy and fell in love with how human and de armoring it was.
I came home to the States with a clarity I hadn't felt in a long long time. I wanted to empower women to connect with the sovereignty and pleasure of their erotic energy. I wanted to help women reclaim their bodies as sacred vessels and their sexuality as SACRED and UNAPOLOGETIC. This was my calling...it had actually always been my calling.
I went to Canada to train as an Intimacy Educator, and after applied to the Somatic Institute of Professional Sexologists which I am currently enrolled in.
What I love about somatic sexology is how exquisitely it interweaves neuroscience, sexual education and trauma-informed bodywork. It’s simply astonishing! I also love how the whole platform is based on creating a counter normative culture in which ALL BODIES have access to the right of pleasure and safety; most especially the marginalized and highly oppressed groups such as biopic and LGBTQ.
This continuous training and community of practitioners has truly changed my life and my inquiry into my own erotic being and healing only gets deeper. There are so many layers around sexuality...so much shame and conditioning, but the rewards of the work are simply exquisite.
My ongoing training at SSEA also helped me realize that even though my passion is working with women-identified folk, I am equally passionate about creating a safe container for all people to experience and cultivate their ability to feel pleasure.
I am absolutely in love with the vagina and the integration of her wisdom, creativity and power in the body and the culture at large.
I am also in love with all the different genital configurations we can have and the unique way each of us experiences pleasure.
I do this work first because it is MY MEDICINE and I share it because it feels incredibly valuable. Our over-civilized cultures have led to a disconnection from our true nature which is actually joy and pleasure. That disconnection leads to living unfulfilling lives, and it also leads to systems that are in opposition to pleasure, joy, connection and LIFE itself.
I do this work because I believe to build world in which is safe to be an erotic being no matter what body you are, we must heal our personal relationship to Eros.
I also do this work because I know without my mentors, guides, teachers and coaches I wouldn’t have come so far. We are biologically wired to work together.
I also do this work because it’s fun and it gives me pleasure and that is the most important reason of them all.
To your infinite pleasure,
Somatic Sexologist Training at SSEA (Somatic Sex Education Professional Training), BC, Canada
Intimacy educator training with Caffyn, co-founder of SSEA, BC, Canada
Tantra massage training, Tantra Temple, Copenhagen, Denmark
Wild woman facilitation training with Margo Awanata, Big island, HI
Studied Liberal Arts at Cabrillo College, CA
Studied Psychology at University at Hilo, HI
Pleasure is your Blueprint.