I wrote an article a couple of weeks ago around foreplay and play being the grand prize of sexuality, and someone asked what I think about after care. It was an awesome question that got me contemplating.
In the kink community, after care is an important practice that partners engage in after impact play. But what about after care after any kind of sexual activity? Why would we do that, and what would it look like?
Any form of sexuality requires a certain degree of vulnerability...getting naked so to speak, literally and metaphorically. Considering the amount of negative messaged we get around our bodies and sexuality, exposing ourself in that way is no small thing.
Sexual intimacy also brings with it the possibility of deep , transformative connection with another, or with ourselves. Sexuality offers us an opportunity to melt into a different state that usually comes with an altered state of mind and euphoric hormones and endorphins.
Having. a practice to connect with one another after can be a way to extend that deliciousness and integrate it into your regular relationship.
It can also be a way to savor (a term used in somatic sexology education) what has transpired and allow time with yourself or your partner to notice the somatic shifts in your body and communicate it.
And most importantly it can be a way to create a sense of somatic safety with yourself or one another after such a deep vulnerable space.
Sometimes we do this practice naturally. Think "pillow talk". But in such a fast paced world, how many of us actually take this time to consciously savor the complex and awesome feelings after a sexual high, how many of us allow time to bask in that after feeling, in that raw naked vulnerability with our partners?
That can be a different kind of vulnerability to explore; a sweet and potent intimacy with its own magic and rewards.
One model of after care/after connection would be cuddling and breathing together. Another would be to eye gaze and share how your body is feeling.
Hope you take time to try these practices and come up with your own! I know I will. 🌷~R