One major practice thing that I learned from my somatic sex educator training is how fast we we move. Without conscious effort, the insane fast pace of our culture, creeps into the way we approach everything...including intimacy, pleasure and connection with loved ones.
This racing down to the finish line might work in some other competitive constructs, but it seldom works pleasantly in the bedroom or wherever else you like to have sexy times. Sexual stimulation builds upon itself...it is meant to be savored and enjoyed, at least in the beginning stages. Furthermore, the slower you go, the more sensation you are able to feel. You are LITERALLY creating news neuro-pathways for your nervous system to experience pleasure more fully.
One of the major challenges for me when it comes to slowing down is feeling impatient. We are so used to feeling bombarded by external stimuli, that we are seeking an instant rush, instead of allowing ourselves to experience the FULL ride. Our whole world is built that way. Everything tends to be at our fingertips and that can make us impatient, bored, distracted and lazy.
What’s cool about slowing down though, is that you get to come home more and more to your body. You get to build some sovereignty over your own body and slowly learn how to generate and cultivate sensation and pleasure that is so nourishing it will have you addicted in all the right ways.
This kind of pleasure requires time though. It requires presence and energy...it ultimately requires love. And I don’t necessarily mean the romantic notion of love. I mean it requires you or your partner to be present and listen to your needs, to listen to your body and drop predetermined agendas on the floor.
Engaging in sexuality this way helps you remember that it’s all about play and exploration, content and respect. If the play leads to some awesome earth shattering orgasm that’s great, but that’t not why you are playing! You are playing because it’s fun!